Get Clueless

It’s Raining Questions! Sort of...

2010-06-15T19:06:00.000-07:00

Tonight’s entry is going to be a short one. Spent the afternoon at the barn and am wiped but... I have good news! I got my first question here on the blog. True, the questions aren’t so much pouring in as trickling, but it’s a start. And I’ll take it.

So here is the question that I got last night and was featured in today’s issue of Watkins Weekly. Take a look and remember to be kind. I’m new at this advice thing!

What is the appropriate first date behavior--knock on the front door or wait outside and honk?

-Confused Dude at the Curb

Dear Confused,

Simple. You HAVE to knock and go inside. If you don’t, the girl doesn’t get her staircase moment. And EVERY girl wants a staircase moment.

There it is! My first question from the interwebz! (Although I have a feeling I know who sent that gem! Was that you Will Parker?) What do you think?

And just because I feel like there should be more than one Q&A, here is another one that was featured in the paper:

Dear Clueless,

Is it true that peanut butter can cure hickeys? My older sister told me that it was a surefire plan...

-All Marked Up

Dear All Marked Up,

I’ve had about as many hickeys as I’ve had shark encounters, scuffles with seriel killers, Olympic gold medal performances, and vampire run-ins. Which is to say, none at all. Although I am a big fan of scarves, so I imagine that if I did find myself with a purple neck, I would go that route instead of reaching for the peanut butter.

However, if you set on the nuttier method (pun intended), I would advise doing a “test patch” like they tell you to do when you use hair dye or home-waxing kits. I’d suggest not just globbing and going. You might get a bigger bite taken out if you stumble upon a particularly hungry soccer player. Or worse, your hickey giver could come back and who knows? He or she might have a peanut allergy and explaining that one to an emergency room doctor is something I CAN’T help with. No one, except maybe one of those vampires I haven’t met, wants to risk being involved in a fatal neck-sucking session. And I’m guessing you are not a vampire. Or are you?

After careful consideration, I’ve decided on my final answer. Wear a scarf. Or a turtleneck. Or both. You will be fashionable and discreet.

That’s all I got in me tonight. Here’s to being Clueless!

A Who's Who

2010-06-12T11:38:00.001-07:00

Welcome back!

Since it is still early yet and no one has sent in any questions, I thought I’d give you a kind of tour of my world. It won’t take long, trust me. Like I said before, my world is pretty tiny.

So let’s start with my family. It’s just me and my mom. She and dad split a while ago and he got remarried to a lovely young woman (emphasis on young, sarcasm on the lovely). I don’t see much of him and the new family as I live with mom. For a mom, she’s pretty cool. Let’s me sort of do my thing most of the time and she supports my horse habit so I guess for that I owe her big time. Which leads me to Maverick. He’s my boy. He’s a bay thoroughbred about 16.2 hands tall (big) with white on his feet and a little star on his forehead. I got him when I was 13 in sort of the post-divorce-we-want-to-make-Claire- feel-good-about-herself-time and he’s been a savior.

Then there are my friends. Lottie is my BFF. She is completely 100% boy crazy, a kick-butt lacrosse player, beautiful, funny, and popular. (i.e. The polar opposite of me!) She also knows how to give it to me exactly how it is, has the ability to talk me into really bad ideas (like hair cuts, asking people out, sneaking out of the house), and is the most loyal and wonderful BFF a girl could ask for. Did I mention she is boy crazy? She and my best guy friend Bennett do NOT get along. Like, at all. They tolerate each other for my sake but they are definition of opposite. Bennett is a tech geek, a sci-fi geek, a movie geek, and general all-around geek. But he’s a good guy and totally smart and fun to hang out with. Plus, I’ve known him since the womb so we are sort of stuck with each other. And then there is Will. He’s the one I’ve known the least amount of time but he and Benn are the boy version of me and Lottie so since high school started, we’ve been spending a lot more time together. He’s not nearly as dorky as Benn but loves his geeky stuff on the occasion and saves me from the sci-fi debates I don’t want to participate in. He’s tall and lanky and looks sort of like that guy from 10 Things I Hate About You. He’s usually pretty quiet but he makes me laugh which is always nice. And not laugh in the roll my eyes sort of way dear Benn makes me do. There’s just something about Will that is well...nice.

So that’s the crew. We are all juniors. We all live in a small town where everyone knows everyone and we all hope to get out someday. But that remains to be seen...I’m still not sure this advice column thing is going to win me any scholarships!

Send me questions! Please?

How it all began...

2010-06-08T18:24:00.000-07:00

I guess since this is my first blog entry, I should sort of give you the run down on who I am and what I am doing writing something called Get Clueless.

My name is Claire Collins and I’m a junior at Watkins Prep where I work on the school newspaper. My job used to be just editorial stuff. Helping with articles, editing, checking out potential stories. You know, the usual stuff that would look good on the college application -- but it was also pretty fun because I got to do it with two of my buddies --Bennett and Will -- and while it might be dorky to admit, I really like writing and reading. So it seemed like a pretty good idea.

But then I was asked to write the advice column for our paper.

This, I contend, was and still is a terrible idea. The advice columnist is supposed to have all the answers. Be part of the crowd that knows about the stuff that happens in the hallways, on the playing fields, and at all the parties. I’m so not part of that crowd. Luckily my best friend Lottie definitely is and sometimes lets me tag along, but for the most part, my idea of a good Saturday is spending the day at the barn or maybe watching a marathon of cheesy horror movies on the SyFy channel.

Nonetheless, looks like I don’t have a choice. Dr. Schaberg suggested it in the way you know is not just a suggestion -- and so here I am, dispensing advice. I figured starting this blog was an easy way to get people to send me questions in-between issues of the paper and then, if I could answer them in an even remotely intelligible way, some of them might end up in the next print issue.

So there you have it. This is Get Clueless. So, if you have questions you want me to answer (even if you don’t go to Watkins) send them my way and I’ll do my best. But I make no promises. I’m giving the caveat now that I’m probably as Clueless, if not more clueless, than you.